Have you ever felt transparent sometimes? Suddenly vulnerable, as if everyone can suddenly see right through your facades you wear to keep sane? It is a bad feeling, but it shows that there might be a problem somewhere along the line that we just can’t see ourselves. Sometimes a small hint at the right time is all it takes to feel vulnerable and naked.

I wonder sometimes if I’m not dealing with anything. I recently got a piece of paper with words on it, and it made me feel just like that.

I suppose there is only two ways to go about this, ignore it and hope it all works out in the end, or confront it ourselves and have a back up ready incase it is something we just can’t handle.

Hindsight is a horrible cruel truth isn’t it, but is it truly hindsight when we can still prevent the outcome? Can we prevent something from happening, even when it looks like nothing can be done? I don’t know, to be a little bit honest. Perhaps this is retrospect? We can still do something about our current situation, even if the outlook looks slightly bleak.

Perhaps an outside perspective is all it takes to shake the foundations of someone, finding out that you haven’t changed in years while everything around you has shifted greatly. Is that a thing? Quite possibly.

Our worse critics that can bring us down, unsurprisingly, is ourselves. All it would usually take it the right moment and the right stimuli to do so. To find out we are not as alright as we think we are. Letting our inner demons have the reigns for a moment as they stress us out with doubts and worries of What it could possibly be. Replaying moments over and over.

Then an epiphany strikes! It could be depression! The signs might be there, we just can’t see them, or choose not to. Severe anxiety perhaps? Perhaps a mental problem that is simple enough to treat. No way, it has to be guilt, maybe…

Yeah, we have these things that run through our mind in blind panics. Confrontation, even a small hint can screw us over. We lie everyday, small things to keep things rolling, the status quo, nothing to see here move on. The biggest lies though we tell to ourselves, because the truth just isn’t something we got the strength for, the determination to fess up.

The first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging that there is one. These walls we have been patching over, that horrible house that is constantly drafty, where nothing is right despite all the work done to fix it up. New wall paper, paint jobs galore, constant repairing of appliances. No, it is time to take a sledgehammer and break these crumbling walls down for good, to take it down to the foundations! Be gone and done with subpar piping, sell off and trade old appliances for good! Once we are done with that, we build anew, start over.

Of course a person just can’t do this themselves, even when they know what to do, it would take ages before the newer place is fixed. You need plumbers, electricians, perhaps an architect to help guide you through the schematics. This is not a one man job, one person might be able to do the work, but more often than not, well… they are just going to have to ask for some help at some point.

How does this short story work in our favor? Well simple, we acknowledge we have a problem, and seek help to fix it. These people help us rebuild who we are as a person. It takes more than one person to build a house in a timely manner, and these people help each other out when possible. Sure we could do this ourselves, but be ready to do it for the long haul.



2 thoughts on “Transparency

  1. You’ve made a lot of valid points in this entry. I think you’re right in that, while it is possible to manage your illness to extent without outside influence, you eventually need someone to provide an alternative perspective. I’m lucky in that I have a very good friend who does just that. He can see things from a rational perspective when I am caught up in my emotions – it helps a lot!

    Liked by 1 person

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