Have you ever encountered a slug on the ground? Have you just watched it move slow as possible? Quite cliché I know, but then you noticed a large amount of time had gone by without you realizing it? Yes, for you the slug hadn’t gotten very far, but to that slug it had gotten further than it was. That, is how depression works people, or at least those that are recovering from it.
One step at a time, and eventually you realize you are standing in front of a world wonder, according to you. You will wish to die every moment, if only to escape the total emptiness, or the feeling of doing something totally wrong. Just staring at nothing for a period of time. Maybe even fooling everyone around you by making them feel better will hopefully make you feel better. It doesn’t.
In order to get anywhere, you must realize, depression isn’t cliché. Just because you don’t actively think of ways to die, doesn’t mean that you are just slightly suicidal. I’ve read a few stories about how someone won’t actively seek suicide, but won’t prevent them selves from dying anyway. That, is suicidal. Be on the look out please, sometimes depression speaks up about death in jokes. “Oh when I die, I want so and so. This and that.” Please reach out to these people, even just listening helps. Look for the lack of motivation, people who worry just a little too much, who talk about money issues. Perhaps those that are far too cheerful. Robin Williams comes to mind here, one of the great comedy actors and hardly anyone knew how severe until after the fact.
Extreme anxiety can be easily explained away. Perhaps you suddenly break into a coughing spell when talking to someone, that feeling of dust in the back of your throat. What if they leave me, what if I’m too annoying. Maybe I’m just bothering them. No, you are not. The fact you would think of these is a wake up call. On the flip side things can get aggravating, just the sound of someone breathing will enrage you, your clothes will feel far too clingy, and the lights far too bright. Being aware of every thump, as the heart beats, feeling every little quake as someone walks around the house. That is sensory overload, perhaps another clue that people overlook, thinking that it only happen to them.
Prioritize, knock these worries out one by one until you don’t think in ‘what ifs’ but ‘what next.. hm’. Legitimate worries should be the first to be taken care of. If it’s bills I got a whole post for priorities right here. Above all else on that particular list, is to make sure you have enough food to last you 3 days. That’s it, three days. Then on that third day, find more food to last you three more days.
Just remember, not everything is as bleak as it seems. Sometime we must walk a long tunnel to see the light at the end. Life is unfair, for everyone to some degree. This does not justify your reasoning, it in fact should motivate you to get out of the situation.
Our current situation is not our final destination.
P.S. I had forgotten to publish this ages back. Perhaps it is incomplete, it will just have to do. It seems finished.