Disclaimer: I have never been in a relationship, or at least a romantic one. So, take anything here with a spoon of salt, a grain doesn’t seem to cut it for this one I say. Also to note, there will be some vulgar language. Vulgar being defined as anything you may be offended by, not just swearing. This is just some outsider views. On with the post, yes?
Yes, as nice as it is to be in a relationship, you must remember Trust is a two way street, as trusting as you may be, they will always be suspicious of the most strangest things. There is a fine line between minor insecurity, and full on self-sabotage. Fighting to find things that aren’t even there, trying to justify yourself for no crimes committed. You must trust, and be trusted. The moment you start questioning how things are, is the moment you need to really ask, and confront. This is not the time to be the FBI or the NSA. Then again it doesn’t help to be passive about things either. Take charge, step up, and know when to back down and away. Space is just as important, it is just fine for your partner to go out for a night to hang and chill with friends without you.
They’ve survived so far without you in their life before, and probably need to socialize a bit. The moment one of you become possessive is the moment one of you need to take a step back. Honestly, take a step back and reason through why one of you feel this way.
Also, as you(the male?) have needs, so does she. It may be crossing a line perhaps, but she will thank you later on this one. Keep track of any feminine products she uses, be it lotion, lip balm, pads and tampons, so on. Just on the off chance that she is looking around for some or in a bind, you always have her back. This also goes for homosexual relationships as well. Just as each star is different, so are people.
This is a real life relationship, any and all stuff you have thought it would be, discard them at once. Preconceived notions of what should be in a relationship can easily destroy one. This is not some novel or romance flick. This is the twenty-first century people, the chivalry your parents and grandparents had has changed, roles have reversed and have been updated as it should to fit this current generation. By all means observe and take what you want/need from any older relationships, just note that it isn’t the way your life will be written. While it may be romantic that your parents met at a beach, and got married at the same beach later, getting married in a starbucks or some other random place is not quite romantic you know, since these are slowly becoming common meeting places.
With that piece of advice, we shall move on.
I’ve known many people who do NOT go good together for long periods of time, and have since moved apart. Yet talking to them, asking them if they’ve moved on (please don’t do this, as it is very invasive, by all means though listen and be patient if they start it) they have not. Amazing isn’t it? Some people are so in love with each other, but just can’t stand long doses of each other. Going further with this, you don’t necessarily have to be married to be considered husband and wife, or mother and father. Just know, you will have to explain to your children why it is like this eventually. This can impact their growth, and their future views on relationships.
What may be healthy for you may not be for others.
Periods, it is biological, don’t make a big deal on things that are out of anyone’s control. If things don’t seem right, perhaps she is agitated, do NOT ask about the subject. It is crude, stereotypical, and makes you look like an ass to the nth degree. You are in a self-built buddy system, back to back taking on the world you know? You wouldn’t seriously make fun of a buddy who is dealing with some shit now would you? Take note everyone, that anyone can have problems, and it is your duty to at least make an effort to help some.
Consent doesn’t end when you start a relationship, as a matter of fact it should be a given you know. Being in a relationship does not entitle you to sex anytime you or them want it. No, still means No, especially in a relationship! Even though some courts think otherwise, it is still rape if you don’t want it. Wifely duties shouldn’t be a thing you know, they are not servants sent to do your bidding, to bend to every whim. No, as stated earlier, this is a built in buddy system, you watch their back as they watch yours. No means No, remember this. The both of you are partners now, act like it. The moment you think about manipulating the situation is the moment you should step back, and think about what you are about to do.
People seem to forget basic human rights when it comes to relationships. Everyone is entitled to some privacy, some time alone. Sharing every little piece of each other is all fine and dandy, but the fact you or them feel the need to know EVERYTHING is the wrong way to go about it. A willing partner is far better than a reluctant one.
Have we learned anything new? Probably not, as a matter of fact this seems like a broken record that people just tune out. I hope whoever reads this takes the time to sit down and think about their relationship and improve it somehow. If that means breaking it off, well, that’s your call.
Leave a comment on what you think, and if you have anything to add, I’ll find a way to sneak it in a future post.