One Year Milestone!

So, its been a year(or so) now, and much has changed I suppose. Still, my only regret is not doing more blogging and writing for the dedicated readers all those months back. I’ve yet to figure out what works and what doesn’t. I’ve also liked to think that I’ve gotten better as a writer because of it. Perhaps, perhaps not.

Work starts in a few hours, so that’ll be fun, and it would be nice to get some kind of shut eye before going in. The pay is decent and alright, co-workers are decent people, thankfully. Let me tell you, customer service though is nothing to sneeze at, dealing with guests from all walks of life, for every decent guest I suppose there is a rude one. Such is life I suppose.

I’ve yet to do a memorial for mom or for grandpa, but that’ll be some time this year I guess. I suppose, that’s all I can say for the moment.

To my faithful readers, thank you. You new readers, welcome!

-Kenneth

She’s Gone.

So, here you are because of an interesting tag, or title. Perhaps in sympathy, empathy, apathy, or plain old amusement, I’m not here to judge.

So, I’ve been friends with this lady for about 7-10 years, we met on a forums while I was in high school. The few friends I’ve had from there are all doing their own things, yet we two still talked now and then. This is the year I cut those ties off, except for her. And now that is gone. Long distance friendships could be maintained, however crossing that murky grey zone between that and a relationship… is near impossible. I don’t believe it was a relationship in a common sense. I was just there to listen and just be there for her in their hard times. And for a month or three things got closer and closer.

Perhaps I chased her off, whether on purpose or accident is up for debate… Quite possibly the former. Was it truly a relationship, well, to the many no, it was not. Did she consider it a relationship, quite sure she did. If she happens to be reading this then I’m sorry. I still need my time to myself, and not quite in a situation to care for another at the moment. perhaps we could have worked through things, perhaps not.

The time to wonder about what-ifs and never-were is not now, if not ever. Has it ruined our friendship? Gods I hope not, yet I get the feeling it has. We haven’t chatted in weeks, she has quite obviously moved on. Plans up in smoke, dreams cracked and barely holding together, as well as the courage to type back. Nothing serious happened, overall I would say it was just a rebound perhaps on her part? Perhaps I am a monster for leading her on, partly to see what will happen, and partly purely on accident.

Never been in a relationship, no idea what to do, not that there was much we could do if I’m being a bit brutally honest. All I had done was listen and be there for her, and somehow she’d fallen in love with it. Perhaps, to a degree so have I. In her time of need, I was the ear to her woes, a shoulder to lean on for the moment, to help hold her together, and to pick up the pieces. All the while showing the way, and the many paths available.

Cold comforts though, from an equally cold screen in a bright glaring light. It is quite dangerous to fall in love, more like giving a person the trigger to the gun pointed at your heart. Perhaps its a good thing I never apologized on time, now that she has truly moved forward. I’d rather stand back, and be content with the fact that I’m not breaking her apart further. Kindness is more often than not a cold double sided sword, so much could have been avoided without dancing around issues. Near 10 years of friendship tossed into the wind.

Blame can go around to many, but here I’m angry at myself for believing anything can happen. I’m not ready, I wasn’t expecting so much trouble for being a friend. She is not ready for a big move, no matter how physically prepared. There is no guarantee that she’ll find a job around here, that my job will take care of the both of us until she gets on her own feet. She also has a child herself that I’m not sure of, that I’ve had to point out that she would have to take care of that one eventually. She Will miss home, and that she’ll be only happy for the moment.

We were not ready, no matter how much one wishes. Currently it can not be done. So now she’s gone, I’m one to blame for it. Tell me what I could have done better, tell me that we could have worked it all in the end. I know that, truly I do.

The only bit of advice I can give you reader, is be honest upfront. Make your intentions known, it will save much hassle. Kill them with kindness, be there for them then tell them you don’t want nothing serious. You may not be looking for a relationship, but they will fall for you nonetheless, and it will hurt because you reached out far too late to cushion the fall.

One could sit there an wallow in self loathing, or they could grasp that energy and do something about it. I say, spite the feeling, get out there and do better. We can’t change the past, we can only improve from here on out. We can feel the numbness when we sleep, and we can deal with it down the road. Goodbye sweetie, until then, take care of yourself, keep warm.

-Kenneth.

A little side note, this has been written down for ages, and I’ve just now getting around to posting it.

Update:Still alive…Somehow.

So, I splurged and got a laptop, nothing crazy just a simple $180 thing to tide me over until I figure out what is wrong with my desktop. I love windows and therefore Microsoft, but they have plenty to answer for when their updates crash your computer, then have the nerve to blame it on the customer. Sure it COULD have been a software issue, outdated drives and what not… until you realize your drives are current, and nothing could possibly be conflicting with updates… but I digress, here I am after a month away, give or take.

I got a job, and that’s all I will say on that. It pays decently, and I will soon be able to take advantage of benefits.

This keyboard is going to take a while to get used to, already missing the extra spacing between keys. Still, this is apparently step one to getting ready to travel. Laptop can now be crossed off the list, now I just need a decent camera, and a major tune up on the van, some saved up money and I’ll be set up!

!!!

Really disliking the keyboard spread, typos a plenty. First world problems and what not. Things are looking up so far, I might even start house hunting soon, a base of operations/vacation from vacation I suppose. Even a one room flat with decent price would be welcome. Rent out my house to a family member, they’ve been house hunting as well, maybe. Tis a bit too early to say for sure.

Storytime will be updated soon, whenever I decipher my notes and what not. Thank you readers, those that have been checking in anyway, for being faithful. Trihazard, aka Kenneth, will not disappoint you yet. Be on the look out, posts about in the near future. You will just have to live with whatever typos there are this post, possibly the next ones as well.

-Kenneth

Our Taste Changes As Time Flies

I was just sitting back earlier today listening to music when I got inspired to write this article. Of all things it is internet videos and music, still it is my blog so… nyeh!

Don’t mind me, I’m just being silly today.

The first video I’ve ever seen on the internet was System Of A Down- Chop Suey. Truth be told, that was also one of the first music CD’s I’ve ever owned, the Toxicity album. The only way to see other’s videos was either on Television, or recording which is still… on the television. I’m pretty sure youtube was new in those days, or not even around, no I remember watching this music video on google videos or some such, either that or it was a cover of two kids doing their parody lipsync of it… hm… either way that was it really.

The only reason I actually looked up the song was because of a story posted years back by a forum member that made mentions to the song. There was plenty of fanmade stories long before any sites dedicated to the stuff, most of these stories could be found on sites and forums. It was what started my ‘rock and metal’ phase of my teenage years. Well not quite true, I also remember watching Disturbed- Prayer music video as a close second, and that was amazing. Also one of my first music CD’s was The Sickness album, never knew there was an uncensored version of it for years, thank you MTV for pointing that out one day.

Another thing to point out, we didn’t have satellite tv, just standard cable which included all of 13 or so channels. So, there was no MTV or other such programs to watch at the time. It was also around then that my cousin started to get into rap and what not, my sister into her hip hop. Headphones are a godsend honestly, not that my sister used them, many a times she lost stereo privileges. Of course the problem came in the form of the player of choice, CD players do not fit in pockets. So, to work around that we used cassette players to record from the cd, and just carry one of those blocky things, it fit far easier, also didn’t skip because cd players did not like being vertical at the time.

Also, I grew up on classics, it was mom’s cassettes or classic rock from the radio. That would be Queen, Elvis, Hank Williams Sr., some Prince, maybe Michael Jackson, and a whole host of 60’s-70’s music. It was grand, especially on our trips to Reno, NV. Pretty sure its always the teenage years when music changes as we find out who we are, but we will always remain classic in secret, when no one is around.

Still, our tastes in music changes throughout the years, and I’ve come to accept anything that sounds nice, public opinion be damned. It sounds nice to me so I’ll listen to it, even songs I absolutely hated from the 90’s to today, that would be Britney, NSYNC, and the Backstreet Boys. Nostalgia I think is the term for it, reminds me of good times and the beat is nicer compared to todays music. Now I’m not saying it is all bad, but tis not all good either. Opinions, everyone has them.

Just a random post of the life of Trihazard, see you round.

-Kenneth

Unforeseen Delays.

Ok, so we’re getting things done, sorry for late posts, but I did warn you all that this was a passing fancy. Whoever may be out there, save us from the paperwork. Still, it should be worth it in the end, most things take patience.

Perhaps we’ll push back our traveling back another year, who knows. It takes money and planning. It would be a disaster going forward without proper planning after all. Besides that, I don’t even have a decent camera for the sights. The ultimate goal I suppose is get ready to travel the country by age 30 at least.

Also I know I have followers, the problem is, I have no idea what they see in this particular site, let alone its content. Still, we shall at least try to post at least once a week if possible.

Other than that, on with the show. -Kenneth

To Another Year

Another year down, and another added to my life. What a year this has been, not sure how to feel about it quite yet. We still got plenty to do in this life though, so lets all take a moment to ourselves.
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Nothing to do now but enjoy the weather, and count down to the next one. I have no plans other than singing myself a happy birthday. Of course it won’t be completely alone, family will probably drag me out somewhere to eat or something. Nothing against that if I’m quite honest. If anything, it might be welcome I suppose.

Cheers readers, gonna go to sleep now, it is 01:30(am) pst.

-Kenneth

My Anger, Only for You.

Licking the insides like fire!
Backed by loathing and disgust,
Oh the loathing!

How the blood boils,
The sight tinged red with fiery rage.
The blood Boils!

Violence!
Shaking with fury,
Violence!

How dare THEY!
Such Disrespect, especially for the dead!
How, Dare they!

Like fire, such burning flames!
Flowing as slow and certain as lava,
This feeling burns!

Watch out,
I say once more,
Watch out.

This fury Grows.
This Heart aches.
This body Shakes.

Say naught a word.
Say naught their name,
For you no longer deserve,
Oh yes, you no longer deserve.

To ME you are dead,
Forsaken by me,
Dead I say!

This fire cools,
But don’t be fooled.
It is now frost.

Sell this house,
And toss other relatives out.

Do not worry though,
I am patient.

Dead men don’t need help
After all.

For your deeds spread,
By word of mouth,
Oh yes it spreads.

Abandoned you’ll be,
Scorned at every turn.

This fire’s out,
Now frosted over.

Forgotten through time,
Only these words,
To remember you by.


I am angry, and lets hope this gets the message by. For you the reader, irrelevant, but the feeling still stands. Perhaps this is for a certain relative of mine, but I’ll never say. I had written and rewritten this post before getting constructive, and creative. Names wiped out, whole paragraphs deleted, details gone, only vague feelings. One thing is certain though, I am disgusted to be related to that person, and I wonder how they came to be from such decent people. That’s all I hope.

-Kenneth.