I was only 11.

So, this post was made at 3:45 in the morning, it will be jumbled and perhaps repeatative, but I had to get this out. My point of view on this day fifteen years ago. Remember these are my opinions, and you are welcome to chime in your own. Reply your own stories if you wish.


The details are vague, I don’t exactly remember that day in detail, but it was repeating on the news all day long. I don’t think mom went to work that day, I’m also pretty sure school was cancelled. It was a quiet day though. I live on pacific time, so things had long progressed by the time I woke up at eight o’clock.

Then came the months of watching the news daily, so many things were happening. Everyone was in an uproar, so much disbelief going around. Many weekends spent going to church, praying for more and more people lost. As I said though, the details are vague.

There is… vague feelings towards 9/11 for me. I can say I lived during the times, but I don’t think I truly understood what was going on. If you asked me what happened that day, I couldn’t really say. I can tell you this though, watching helicopters on the news shooting down into the cities, night vision as tanks fire back and forth, anti-aircraft shooting up into the skies, as well as many buildings being destroyed… It was a terrible sight. War on Terrorism was always on the news somewhere.

Then came the civilian casualties, mistrust towards Middle Eastern people. It was also the time when security was tightened everywhere. I also remember hearing many jets flying around during the day.

The follow-up years as many people started criticizing former president Bush for his actions. It was also the mark up on gasoline prices. By the gods, the gas prices. In some places I hear it had gotten up to $5 a gallon. Travel was cut down to nothing, it had gotten harder to visit relatives.

In 2002, some students didn’t come to class because they were… I don’t know, considering 9/11 a sacred day or something. They figured things would be closed that day. It was either them or the parents.

So here we are, fifteen years later. Show the documentaries and I’ll probably get emotional from the stories. Yet ask me about it, I can tell you it was… a secondary thought for me, today anyway. The world changed that day, and it still affects many today, so lets take a moment of silence for those that are no longer here, for those sacrificed on this day fifteen years ago. For those who gave their lives for a cause in the following years, both the willing and the forced.

Good day readers,

-Kenneth

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Transparency

Have you ever felt transparent sometimes? Suddenly vulnerable, as if everyone can suddenly see right through your facades you wear to keep sane? It is a bad feeling, but it shows that there might be a problem somewhere along the line that we just can’t see ourselves. Sometimes a small hint at the right time is all it takes to feel vulnerable and naked.

I wonder sometimes if I’m not dealing with anything. I recently got a piece of paper with words on it, and it made me feel just like that.

I suppose there is only two ways to go about this, ignore it and hope it all works out in the end, or confront it ourselves and have a back up ready incase it is something we just can’t handle.

Hindsight is a horrible cruel truth isn’t it, but is it truly hindsight when we can still prevent the outcome? Can we prevent something from happening, even when it looks like nothing can be done? I don’t know, to be a little bit honest. Perhaps this is retrospect? We can still do something about our current situation, even if the outlook looks slightly bleak.

Perhaps an outside perspective is all it takes to shake the foundations of someone, finding out that you haven’t changed in years while everything around you has shifted greatly. Is that a thing? Quite possibly.

Our worse critics that can bring us down, unsurprisingly, is ourselves. All it would usually take it the right moment and the right stimuli to do so. To find out we are not as alright as we think we are. Letting our inner demons have the reigns for a moment as they stress us out with doubts and worries of What it could possibly be. Replaying moments over and over.

Then an epiphany strikes! It could be depression! The signs might be there, we just can’t see them, or choose not to. Severe anxiety perhaps? Perhaps a mental problem that is simple enough to treat. No way, it has to be guilt, maybe…

Yeah, we have these things that run through our mind in blind panics. Confrontation, even a small hint can screw us over. We lie everyday, small things to keep things rolling, the status quo, nothing to see here move on. The biggest lies though we tell to ourselves, because the truth just isn’t something we got the strength for, the determination to fess up.

The first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging that there is one. These walls we have been patching over, that horrible house that is constantly drafty, where nothing is right despite all the work done to fix it up. New wall paper, paint jobs galore, constant repairing of appliances. No, it is time to take a sledgehammer and break these crumbling walls down for good, to take it down to the foundations! Be gone and done with subpar piping, sell off and trade old appliances for good! Once we are done with that, we build anew, start over.

Of course a person just can’t do this themselves, even when they know what to do, it would take ages before the newer place is fixed. You need plumbers, electricians, perhaps an architect to help guide you through the schematics. This is not a one man job, one person might be able to do the work, but more often than not, well… they are just going to have to ask for some help at some point.

How does this short story work in our favor? Well simple, we acknowledge we have a problem, and seek help to fix it. These people help us rebuild who we are as a person. It takes more than one person to build a house in a timely manner, and these people help each other out when possible. Sure we could do this ourselves, but be ready to do it for the long haul.

-Kenneth

Our Taste Changes As Time Flies

I was just sitting back earlier today listening to music when I got inspired to write this article. Of all things it is internet videos and music, still it is my blog so… nyeh!

Don’t mind me, I’m just being silly today.

The first video I’ve ever seen on the internet was System Of A Down- Chop Suey. Truth be told, that was also one of the first music CD’s I’ve ever owned, the Toxicity album. The only way to see other’s videos was either on Television, or recording which is still… on the television. I’m pretty sure youtube was new in those days, or not even around, no I remember watching this music video on google videos or some such, either that or it was a cover of two kids doing their parody lipsync of it… hm… either way that was it really.

The only reason I actually looked up the song was because of a story posted years back by a forum member that made mentions to the song. There was plenty of fanmade stories long before any sites dedicated to the stuff, most of these stories could be found on sites and forums. It was what started my ‘rock and metal’ phase of my teenage years. Well not quite true, I also remember watching Disturbed- Prayer music video as a close second, and that was amazing. Also one of my first music CD’s was The Sickness album, never knew there was an uncensored version of it for years, thank you MTV for pointing that out one day.

Another thing to point out, we didn’t have satellite tv, just standard cable which included all of 13 or so channels. So, there was no MTV or other such programs to watch at the time. It was also around then that my cousin started to get into rap and what not, my sister into her hip hop. Headphones are a godsend honestly, not that my sister used them, many a times she lost stereo privileges. Of course the problem came in the form of the player of choice, CD players do not fit in pockets. So, to work around that we used cassette players to record from the cd, and just carry one of those blocky things, it fit far easier, also didn’t skip because cd players did not like being vertical at the time.

Also, I grew up on classics, it was mom’s cassettes or classic rock from the radio. That would be Queen, Elvis, Hank Williams Sr., some Prince, maybe Michael Jackson, and a whole host of 60’s-70’s music. It was grand, especially on our trips to Reno, NV. Pretty sure its always the teenage years when music changes as we find out who we are, but we will always remain classic in secret, when no one is around.

Still, our tastes in music changes throughout the years, and I’ve come to accept anything that sounds nice, public opinion be damned. It sounds nice to me so I’ll listen to it, even songs I absolutely hated from the 90’s to today, that would be Britney, NSYNC, and the Backstreet Boys. Nostalgia I think is the term for it, reminds me of good times and the beat is nicer compared to todays music. Now I’m not saying it is all bad, but tis not all good either. Opinions, everyone has them.

Just a random post of the life of Trihazard, see you round.

-Kenneth

Mad Scientist XII

“Log entry, After going over after battle reports, it is very apparent that we need a major overhaul done. Starting first with our military branch, most of the equipment is outdated by years. Our ships should have been far more maneuverable than what reports suggest. Someone in our ranks had been sabotaging the armed forces. Honestly civilian thrusters? Outer hull turrets?” I glare at the reports for a moment, “The mutiny was stopped for now, but I get the feeling it was not the only one.”

“It is time to broaden our horizons once more, the universe is a large place after all. Agriculture is only one such trade, and it is apparent that technology is advancing once more. We should be the ones at the forefront in leading edge research.” drumming my fingers on the desk I contemplate what to do. “Very well, I suppose it is time to get back into the field. Violence is only one such battleground, we need to be seen as well as heard. To show the universe that we are not some myth or washed up group.”

I send out more orders and directives to our research group. “I really don’t want to start anew once more, it is so bothersome doing so. And yet there is only so much one can do to upgrade what is already available.”

Sipping from a mug of hot chocolate I contemplate what else there needs to be done. “Bring up plans for X-22 class 3 fighters. Open possible attachments and modules.” The perks of being a mad scientist was finding a way to avoid sleep whenever possible without impacting the mind and body. I spent the rest of the days leading to the meeting improving designs and ideas.


“This is One, target is in sight once more. Nothing changed, get four ready to intercept. No killing, no maiming, we need to figure out what her connection is to the traitorous dogs.”

“Very well, public or private?” they asked as they moved through the shadows.

“Private and quiet if possible, Three get ready for emergency extraction.”

The mission went without any issues. This saboteur caught with none the wiser she was even missing. Such was the life of a loner.


Sorry for the delays, life had caught up really fast and had almost drowned me in paperwork. Yet we persevere and came out on top. Not to mention I have no real direction for this short series. Ideas are welcome, remember this is just a writing exercise.

-Kenneth

Fed Up.

That feeling when you want to sleep, but it hurts to sleep. Like the back aches, legs feel tingly, and you just can’t find a comfortable spot at all. Especially when all you’ve done is sleep! This feeling is getting out of hand I tell you! ‘There is nothing to worry about’ well I say otherwise! You hear me! There is always something to worry about. Always.

There is no way to tell me otherwise, we as humans worry about something all the time. Different distractions, different methods of coping with constant worries. I am so tired, and I have yet to do anything about it. So many options, many things to do, and yet little to no motivation to do so.

I got my whole life ahead of me now, the road is literally right there to a whole world just waiting for another someone to come along and explore it. So many things to do, places to see, and people to visit. I know many ways to get and make money, I know how to survive in this world. And here I am, at my aunt’s house blogging on my wants and dreams, pondering what I should do next. Bills to pay off, money to make, and a nice couch to sleep on… no wait, scratch that, no sleeping until we get something done today.


Update weeks later, we went job hunting, and now we are on a probation period and can start work soon. That is all I can say on the subject, just know that I got a job. This post is somewhat contradictory but the point still stands. Being sick and tired is a sign something is wrong, and should be treated if possible. Sometimes our bodies will shut us down, and if we keep ignoring these signs, well, we’ll just have to regret it won’t we? Black outs are not a fun thing at all, and as far as I know I haven’t experienced that. Still, it is a sign of severe stress and depression. It should be treated as soon as practical, if not as soon as possible.

There are resources out there, it just takes a bit of looking around to find them. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, but at least plan for it anyway. Set things in motion to avoid the feeling of impending doom. Sometimes sleep is the best remedy, it allows the body to relax as the mind sorts out the worries in a somewhat relaxed state. It helps to have someone to talk to, remember that.

I have no idea what i was thinking when I made the first part, perhaps it was a sleep deprived state of mind and I am stumbling on it with a,somewhat, clearer one. From dusty draft to a somewhat finished product. Still, this is a valid post and will be posted. That is all.

-Kenneth

Unforeseen Delays.

Ok, so we’re getting things done, sorry for late posts, but I did warn you all that this was a passing fancy. Whoever may be out there, save us from the paperwork. Still, it should be worth it in the end, most things take patience.

Perhaps we’ll push back our traveling back another year, who knows. It takes money and planning. It would be a disaster going forward without proper planning after all. Besides that, I don’t even have a decent camera for the sights. The ultimate goal I suppose is get ready to travel the country by age 30 at least.

Also I know I have followers, the problem is, I have no idea what they see in this particular site, let alone its content. Still, we shall at least try to post at least once a week if possible.

Other than that, on with the show. -Kenneth

To Another Year

Another year down, and another added to my life. What a year this has been, not sure how to feel about it quite yet. We still got plenty to do in this life though, so lets all take a moment to ourselves.
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Nothing to do now but enjoy the weather, and count down to the next one. I have no plans other than singing myself a happy birthday. Of course it won’t be completely alone, family will probably drag me out somewhere to eat or something. Nothing against that if I’m quite honest. If anything, it might be welcome I suppose.

Cheers readers, gonna go to sleep now, it is 01:30(am) pst.

-Kenneth